海洋日

Keeping a cool head, thinking about things, being honorable, honest and patient continue to pay dividends. Karma faeries remain a happy presence in my life, and but for being broke, all is well.

Peace is within.

2010

From our last meeting of 2009.

2010? Already? 3 years old this year? And in just 6 short months? Where has the time gone?

Times are, and have been, pretty hard. You know it's rough when driving home and trying to figure out which costs less, taking the tunnel or driving through the city. When the refrigerator is filled with soy milk and condiments and nothing else, and cereal boxes make up a stack of rowhomes on top. The internet and central heat are luxuries that are treated as such (in other words, nonexistent).

I sit here at work making use of their free wifi and waiting to essentially whore myself for 20% of a diners bill.

Is this gloomy and sad? It certainly reads like it. But the world is turning and I have been making some right moves, the days are getting longer (more sun!) and my resolve and passions have been rediscovered.

Monday

I hope this site is still up when you're ready to read this. Or at least I will have found this book:

http://pinktentacle.com/2009/10/anatomy-of-japanese-folk-monsters/

海洋日

For some reason October has traditionally been a month of exceptional hardship. Last year at this time I had problems with management at work that lead to my dismissal/leaving. Years prior I remember the shock at seeing the drastic cut in income from the passing of the money season tending bar or waiting tables. When I worked in big ticket sales at Sears we called it 'Black October' because sales would drop off dramatically. Hmmm...on a personal level it isn't much different from other months. Ups and downs, always. But nothing of note. Everything tied into income.

You're sick. Have been for a week now. Current status not known, but your cough and fever persist and no doubt a great amount of discomfort and frustration. Being so far away is especially unnerving at times like these. There are no easy chicken soup drop offs or quick hellos. It would be no thing for me to go up there, but jury duty tomorrow jams me up. I hope that you feel better soon.

日強美

Times are hard now. Every minute of the day I worry about my finances. The obligations are piling up and the income is slowing down. Returning to restaurant work is my only option at this point. Bogus.

Tonight on CNN the city I grew up in, Pico Rivera, was featured in a CNN special on being a Latino in America. From what I have heard some years ago, the area had changed for the worse. Gang activity, violence, drugs...the usual sicknesses of society, had become more prevalent since living there 30 years ago (30 years! Holy...). Even though I spent more time as a child in Hawaii, I still consider Pico Rivera to be my home town, and have always thought of myself more as a Californian than Hawaiian. I had always thought that it was because I was 8 when we left and by that time a certain part of my psyche or brain or spirit had developed and I was ingrained. It could also be the way that our lives changed, and the changes that were happening in my family, that created a desire for what used to be and a part of the world that was more comfortable to identify with.

But I digress.

I remember the frost on the grass in the morning, and walking to the bus stop to go to school. I remember the hawks, and the trains, and the excellent, excellent, super excellent food that our neighbor Stella Gonzales would make. I remember the house parties and Ronnie and Robert and Steven, the kids that I ran with at the time. I remember our next door neighbors, and the 3 sisters that for some reason we called the 'corroded's.' Who came up with that name, I don't know, but seeing a picture of Elsie, the youngest daughter and my brother when he was about 5 or 6, I imagine they all grew up to be beautiful women. I remember our yard with the apple and peach trees, my moms corn, tomatoes, strawberries, and chickens in the back. I remember my Dad and his friend refinishing the wood floors in the kitchen. Our house was designed in a loop, you could go from the kitchen to the laundry room and into a bedroom and down the hall and back into the dining room/living room and into the kitchen again. I can still see Kevin and Sara running into each other in the foyer coming from separate directions around the corner and the both of them getting bloody noses (and screaming bloody murder).

I remember praying for my Mom with my brother and sister while she threw up in the bathroom when she was pregnant with Stacy. I remember flushing toads out from the cinder blocks with the garden hose, always careful not to touch them or we would get warts. I remember Kevin and I would take Sara around the neighborhood and have her step in dog poop so that we could see what happened to it. The biggest cheers coming when we found a semi diarrhea turd that had developed a hard candy shell. The shell cracking and the soft insides oozing out. We would climb trees and pretend they were spaceships, and we would fill spray bottles with urine, garlic, and onions to spray on the stray cats in the neighborhood.

It was my job to pick up after the dogs and in the morning my brother and I would chuck them over the wall into the neighbors yard. They never said anything, or at the least our parents never said anything to us about it. One day Ronnie, my cousin Aaron, and myself, as well as some others, maybe my brother, walked to the junkyard and Aaron cut his foot pretty badly on an a broken bottle. Quoting a movie I am sure, he told us to "go on without me." Although we weren't allowed to go to the junkyard we made several trips there. Sometimes you found baseball cards and toys but mostly we just broke stuff.

I have had a good life.

金曜日

Today I almost cut my thumb off.

I was so impressed with your ability to use a tool set at Ikea that I bought you a toy set that you could use to build just about anything you wanted. Far more complex than legos, it requires the use of tools that are provided and contains detailed instructions on how to build cars, helicopters, the Eiffel Tower...

I read that it is important not to over challenge toddlers and children, as they can become frustrated and give up, setting a trend later in life (I think there is a lot of over thinking in a lot of these theories, but this made a bit of sense). Not wanting that, I held back and kept it in the trunk, not breaking it out but having it on hand for later. I figure if you want it, you'll play with it, and if you want to do something else I won't push you to play with it.

With that in mind, I bought a set of toys that were simpler in theory. No tools, they were like giant legos but more organic in form and designed to build bugs (it came with eyeballs) and other animals. You were pretty stoked by it, you wanted to make an alligator and other creatures. But the pieces are designed poorly and don't fit into one another very easily. Some parts snap in with no problem, but with others it is even a little hard for me to use since they have to be pushed together in a very specific way with almost no room for error. You knew exactly what to do with them, but were frustrated by the difficulty in snapping them together. I could see the frustration on your face and I was starting to get really, really pissed at the toy designers. In fact, I will write them a letter.

So I thought that holding off on the other toy set was a wise choice. Yes, you may understand it mentally, but your body isn't developing in the same way that your mind is, and that physical inability clearly frustrates you. But this past Wednesday you saw the set in my trunk, and of course you wanted to see it. After all, if it's in the trunk and that's where I stash all the cool stuff isn't it supposed to be played with?

We opened it and you immediately knew what they were for, "go build something" you say, excited. I laid everything out and you saw the crescent wrench, "monkey wrench, go use it?" and when I showed you the screw driver you knew where it went and how to use it. When I told you to turn it the other way to tighten it you did just that. You knew what the monkey wrench was for and we started to put an axle into a wheel and you wanted to make a street cleaner (last week we watched a street cleaner go up and down the street and walked up close and talked with the driver). This surprised me a bit because you called it a leaf blower last week after I corrected you and told you it was a street cleaner. You continued to call it a leaf blower for the rest of the day, but this week you called it a street cleaner. But I digress.

Again, the physical part of it was difficult and it was hard for you to use the monkey wrench. You have no problem asking for help though and so you told me what to do and I did it. But first a little back story...

You, Aunty Su, and I were playing at the volleyball court and you were burying yourself and I noticed that your diaper was opening up a bit and I said, "be careful, you're going to get sand in your nuts." The look on your face told me that the use of the word nuts in that context was new, but also that you knew exactly what I meant. We laughed about it a bit, and you were careful around your nuts.

So I build you this strange wheeled contraption with a handle and you say, "lawn mower" and start to vrooooomvrooooom, brrrrrrrrttt, and roll it between my legs and say, "Guyguy nuts?" and run it into my nuts. Hahahaha!!

That actually reminds me of something else. I always bring food and you always pull things out and there is always one of those blue frozen ice things in the bottom. One day you pull it out and noticing that it's cold, you take it and say, "weiner?" and I'm like, "huh?" and you say, "Guyguy weiner?" and I'm like, "no, I don't want that on my weiner" and you take it and put it in your crotch, laughing.

I hope you like these kinds of stories. They crack me up and are a wonderful part of my memory.

木曜日

Whoops, think I have my days in 日本語 mixed up.　

”Aunty Su! Aunty Su!"

This past Saturday you met a relative on your Japanese side for the first time. We were early, you were a little late and Su's back was hurting so we went for a walk. Coming around the bend we saw you riding high. I yelled your name and I guess with my big hat and hoodie and walking with another person rather than alone it threw you for a bit. "Hello Guyguy" from far away after a bit. As I expected you were aprehensive and shy. You came to me for a hug and a carry, no problem, but were uninterested and turned your head away from Su.

"I'm your Aunty Sumie" she says.

You turn your head into me and look at my chest.

"That's right, don't look at me" And you sure did that, didn't you.

"Pizza?" you say to me.

"Of course I do, and tofu, and apples, and smoothies, and pomegranate, and ravioli...are you hungry?"

You made sure to look everywhere but at Su.

"White sand" you say. Referring to the volleyball court where we spend much of our time. We bring your digger (a nice big yellow bulldozer/backhoe thing)and make the short journey, your eyes everywhere but on your Aunty Su.

After smashing some sand castles and throwing sand and burying each other and ourselves we went over to the car for some food. When you drank the smoothie that I made you offered her a drink. We shared some smoothie and when I broke out the apples you shared that with her too. You later offered her a piece of apple and when she went to reach for it you shoved it into your mouth. She laughed, called you a turkey and tickled your stomach. To which you replied 'all done.' Hahaha!!

We broke out some blocks that I had got for you awhile ago but figured you would be too advanced for so I didn't really know what to do with them. I had them in the trunk just because, and figured we would give them a whirl if you wanted someday. And today you wanted. We all played with them and you were happy and engaging. I played the drums and we sang some songs and you rocked out to the beat of the drums. And when I say rocked out, I mean rocking out. You were grooving all over and even sang our 'crusty face' song. We also did 'we will, we will, rock you.' We broke out the tools and you dug up a worm and played with the spiderwebs. You used my phone to call the robot, and we made things with the blocks and played a little store.

I don't remember how it started, but Su was talking about tickling your bellybutton. You were playful about it at first, but after a few 'all dones' you started to get a little frustrated. At one point you were noticeably annoyed, sighing with a frustrated look on your face, no doubt thinking to yourself that she wasn't understanding what you meant when you said 'all done.' Finally when she told you that she was going to tickle your belly button again you laid down on your stomach so that she couldn't get to it. We laughed and you did your best to cover your belly button when she had to come over and try to get it just because you were being too smart and cute about it.

I knew it was time to change your diaper and while we took care of that you said, "Aunty Su." And once you remembered her name you said it over and over. When she put your shoes on you laughed with her while she pushed your foot in, and every now and then you would just say it. "Aunty Su, Aunty Su!"

Carpe Dizzle!